Too Much Addendum

But then you find this:

The Boss


And all is well again.

Too Much

Have you ever noticed that when you are writing and reading and thinking well over capacity and channeling all of your energies into your project that your ability to moderate your emotional response to anything else is severely impaired?

I fear today is just the first of many days when I cry in my office for no apparent reason.

First Blush

Starting a new chapter feels sort of like the beginning of a new romance. There is that excitement and uncertainty as to what will happen. Everything is fresh and new. Each day brings a new discovery. Each day holds great possibility.

At the same time, there is a slight fear that things won't work out. That the bloom will fade and the ideas will wither. In "The Figure a Poem Makes," Robert Frost likens poetry to a love affair—"it begins in delight and ends in wisdom." I've had enough failed love affairs to know that sometimes that wisdom is gained at great cost to one's heart and soul. Writing anew courts that possibility.

The work. The work. I hope it will stay exciting and fulfill Frost's measure of a good poem: "Read it a hundred times: it will forever keep its freshness as a petal keeps its fragrance."

Resistance

In the recesses of my mind I remember something from high school physics about resistance being an oppositional force that ultimately fails. For the longest time I've resisted the idea of starting a blog because:

1. There are too many blogs in the universe.
2. I find the innermost thoughts of most people not worth reading.
3. I am a private person.
4. Number 2 applies to me too.


However, I have started trudging down the long and difficult road that is writing an academic book. I find myself alone with my thoughts, my doubts, and my computer. I feel isolated even as I am engaging in the world and history of ideas. In talking with colleagues who have endured this same special brand of agony, I have learned that sharing one's processes, victories, failures, and questions with one's academic community can help one keep moving down the road when all one wants to do is curl up on the verge and sleep. Perhaps it's time to get by with a little help from my friends.

So, I've given up my resistance in hopes that I don't give up.